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::princ_es_s diaries::
-Ecc 3:11a "He has made everything beautiful in its time"-

Friday, September 16, 2005

today started off not so well. i had GP essay outline test so i was scrambling to finish writing my GP mind map on education and enviornment this morning. yes i was compelled to wake up at 4.30 am tho i postponed it by half an hour just to get a lil more sleep. when i finally managed to dig myself out of my comfortable nest, i washed up and went out into the living room. to my pleasent surprise, the wind was very strong... that was odd, i thought. to my horror, when i looked out at the sky, the gigantic cumilonimbus clouds were grey... signs of the call of nature... showers of blessing at 6.45am in the morning... not exactly the ideal way of starting a friday morning... scrambling out of the house, i ran to the bus stop and managed to catch the bus. God is really faithful to me... each time i pray on the way to the bus stop that i need Him to let the bus come a lil slower and lag a bit cos i have to cross 2 short junctions, He never fails to honour His word.

i got to school slightly wet by the pee from the clouds, but that was refreshing, or so i thought it was. then throughout the day, i really felt God's goodness and mercy towards me... seriously, i've been having lack of sleep these few weeks. due to homework and revision i have to more often than not sacrifice my beauty sleep and wake up at the most unearthly hours of 4 am and setting more than 5 alarms just so that i don't oversleep. yes, i am not joking... sometimes even with 2 handphones, one on each side of the bed with the morning alarm blasting into your ears at 3.30am it is still not an easy task to be awaken from your slumber.

God has really been guiding my path this week. and i find myself more and more dependent on Him each day... to the point where i find that it is impossible for me to go on one day without looking at His word and consulting Him about the major decisions in my life. truely, without God, i'd be dead. of course, without those He put in my life along the way i'd be extremely lonely and extremely sad.

i guess God spoke to me a bit about anger and guarding my feelings. having a high S personality, it is typical for one to be very emo. yes... but i don't think that should be an excuse for not being able to control my feelings especially anger. i guess i've always had this problem. just that it wasn't so real to me until maybe this year and especially the past few months. someone once told me that people react in certain ways because of 3 things that go on in their mind. one, someone says something. words goes into your head. two, u feel a certain way and then three, u act upon it. example: someone says something hurtful. the words goes into your head, u feel hurt and angry and then u act hurt and angry. therefore words are of extreme importance. but more than that, many people (including myself till this special person told me) that before the feeling gets to u, it goes into your head, then u have a thought, then u develop a feeling after processing that thoughtand finally u act upon the feeling. truely, the bible mentions that we should watch over our actions and to guard our hearts.

1 Thessalonians 5:6 -
'So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self controlled.'

i found that it is quite impossible to be self controlled without the help of the Holy Spirit and with God through the renewal of your mind. i remember my sunday school teacher telling me that the Spirit man that lives within our hearts is always holy. it is only through the renewal of our minds that the Spirit man can ultimately cause our actions to be in line with the word of God cos an unrenewed mind would be unable to comprehend and exemplify God's will.

i know that i'm not a person who gets extremely angry. i might be momentarily pissed but i won't go to the extreme of getting mad. rarely. unless u provoke me to no end, then perhaps. but i realise that the momentary getting pissed side of me is slowly creeping into my personality. perhaps i never really noticed... but the fact is, each time i was momentarily pissed, it became a habit. such that even if my intention was not to get angry, i would through the frequency of my getting pissed increased. and i never really noticed such a change. thankfully God pointed it out to me in time. yes. He is every faithful and even when He rebukes us, He knows how to do it in the best way.

Colossians 3:8 -
'But you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and flithy language from your lips.'

yes... i hope u have noticed that in the 'u must rid yourself' checklist, the first on the list says anger. yes... truely, anger can drive a person who is of utmost rationality to madness. no pun intended on the going mad part. sometimes people wonder why their prayers are not answered. i find that most of the time, it is either because there are certain issues in your life that have either not been cleared up or u do not know about yet, or God has simply said no, it is in His due time and not yours. but on the point of not clearing up issues, anger is certainly one of the major issues.

yes, God is good always. and i always feel so safe the know that i'm in His loving arms 24/7.

i chanced upon my dad's very ancient looking paraphrased version of the bible and i liked the way they defined love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -
'Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever thruth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.'

wow... yeah... really powerful words. same verses i have been reading for a major long time but never had so much impact in my life... :)

i think there's something wrong with my com... it seems to be lagging big time these few days... what's wrong with u lappie???? >.<

okay then... its late... i need to bathe... hahaha... i could keep going at this forever... haha.

toodles.

prettyinpink dreamt on 10:39 pm [comment]

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